


Slush

by moon_witch



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Anorexia, Eating Disorders, M/M, Pastel! Castiel, Punk! Dean, Purging, Slow Burn, Slush, fast friends, gay as hell and you love it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-23 20:03:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12515456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moon_witch/pseuds/moon_witch
Summary: Destiel,“Dean if you are the discarded slush of the universe, I am the ash.”Castiel is transgender (female to male) and is coming out at school, Dean is a struggling anorexic who just wants to help Castiel. Punk! Castiel Pastel! DeanBoth povs will be used, trigger warnings at the beginning of the chapters





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel NOT Cathy

A small, bony boy shuffle down the hallway. His chest curved inward as though there was a string attached to spine tugging, pulling, jerking him backwards. His bound chest ached as he breathed. Excitement and worry fought a battle in his tiny curved chest as he thought of the coming class, the lockers around him glimmer and shake as though his worry and anxiety is an earthquake, he takes as deep of a breath as his binder will allow him to and walks into his class. It feels like the entire class has their eyes on him as he walks the teachers desk. He shakes a little as he attempts to shove the words out of his throat, he clears his throat and pushes the words out "Could you please call me Castiel instead of Cathy?" The words feel like spring honey in his throat, sticky and sweet as if they were waiting to be said. The teacher looks at him, disgusted. She frowns, " I think you should see the counselor about that, Cathy." Her words slam into him like daggers of ice. He forces his face to lose all emotion. His heart pounds against his chest, the smell of classroom disinfectants are making him nauseous. "Can I go now, miss?"  He says hesitantly. His brain screams at him, reminding him that in her eyes and the eyes of the school he would never be seen as a boy as she nods and writes him a pass.  Fuck transphobia, he thinks. He still feels lightheaded, as though this was a mistake. Why had he been so stupid? He felt tears in his eyes as he is handed the pass. He backs out of the classroom as he close the door  
he backs out of the classroom. As he closes the door, slowly so not make very much noise, he hears a deep voice exclaim " That's what you get, Tr*nny". The school hallway seems far too bright as he drags his feet along the smudge tiles it scale across the floor like a lizards back. He drags edged breath into his lungs, each breath feels like razor blades against the soft tissue of his lungs. He stumbles into the counselors office. As he goes through the door the secretary yells at him to sign in. He jumps, startled. His brain screams , clawing  at the tiny shred of confidence he has left as he sits down in the old chairs outside of the counselors office. Nervously pulls the sleeves down over his hands. He didn't want to be here. "Cathy Novak?" The counselor yells from his office. His heart begins to pound against his ribs he didn't know how long he could stand it, it felt like November all over again. He stood and walks slowly towards the counselors office. As he opens the door the counselor gestures towards a dirty old beaten up green chair in the corner of the room. He shuffled in and sits down with his legs crossed, just like his grandmother had taught him years ago, of course back then he didn't know he was really a he, or at least didn't have the words describe it back then, he did now. The counselor clears his throat in a tired, dull, emotionless voice "I understand you wish to be called a different name?"  Castiel felt like he had finally found someone who could help, but then the next world destroying phrase fell out of his puckered, nasty coffee of a mouth like nuclear bomb on Castiel, "Well the teachers can't call you anything other than Cathy unless your name is legally changed." He said. Castile search is the counselors face for a bit of pity, maybe some part of him in some realm understood what he was going through, but all he saw was concrete anger. This wasn't fair, what about Gabriel who requested to be called sprinkles , how was his real name any less important than a stupid joke? He tried to breathe but it felt like his throat been sown shut by the counselors words. The edges of his vision blurred as he got up and ran out of the office. Thankfully, the restaurant was right by the counselors office. He collapsed on the floor in tears. 

A/N what do you guys think so far? This was originally meant to be a kellic story but it for better as a Destiel story


	2. Breath Mints

That morning Dean had spent extra time with his make up, he was going to approach the kid that he had been semi stocking for a couple of weeks and he went to look picture perfect, the make up was now smudged. The day is not going well, no not at all. He'd fallen down the stairs this morning, and he forgot his breath mints at home, so his breath smelled of vomit. This was not how he been imagining today, he thought he fly into the school and walk right up to the boy and talk to them. This plan had been scrapped, of course the second he seen the kid his throat closed up, his brain deleted the script he'd carefully made and his palms started to sweat. Instead of talking to him he said across the classroom from him and watched him the whole class the boy (who's name he'd learned) eyes flitted back and forth, As he shook his leg. He was the only boy Dean had ever seen who crossed his legs with no shame on his face. Dean had followed him out of the classroom until his next class, his heart banging against his bony ribs the whole time. The bell rang before Dean got his next class so he decided to hang out in the bathroom until his next class, he was tired anyways. The lockers around and twisted and shook as he walked down the hall. That was the downside to starvation but Dean liked to twist into a good thing, a superpower that he got for not going over his calorie limits and purging every bit of food he shoved passed his teeth. He hated food, he hated it so much that he was sure he would never eat willingly, his stomach was pink and clean, and he h̸͟͞a̸͟͞t̸͟͞e̸͟͞d̸͟͞ loved it. Pink was pure, pink was clean, and clean was good, he assured himself as he pulled his feet up onto the toilet lid (so he wouldn't be found if someone cane in) He sat there for what felt like hours (but he knew it was probably only ten minutes or so) counting the tiles and reading the somewhat distasteful graffiti carved into the bumpy gray plastic of the stalls that surrounded his frail form. Then he heard the door being shoved open and someone running into the bathroom and slamming their back up against the bathroom wall. He heard them sniffle and whisper to themselves. Slowly, he stood up on the toilet and peered over the stall door. The boy was there, face red and blotchy from crying, curled up against the door with his hand pressed against his cheek. Dean knew he needed to help, Dean slowly places his booted feet on the floor as he quietly stood up. He opened the stall door and slowly walked over the the sobbing boy. Dean sat down right next to the boy. The boy looked up slowly with large fearful eyes, his piercing blue eyes probed deans worried face as he wiped off his face. "My name is Dean, are you okay?" Dean said slowly in a tone he hoped the boy understood as harmless and worried. The boy pushed his fringe out of his eyes and responded "I'm Castiel, and I'm fine" Dean knew that this meant Castiel was most certainly not okay but decided not to push him on it. " Nice to meet you Cas" he said.

A/N Ooooh they finally met!


	3. A Heart Attack in Pink Hair Dye

https://youtu.be/tzIrRs6BW4M  
He wipes his tears with the back of his hand. Dean hasn't  questioned him being in the male bathroom! He sniffed a little, trying to regain composure as he stared into the light green eyes of the boy sitting beside him. The teens face morphed into a smile as Castiel began to cheer up. "So, wanna skip out and get a slushee?" Dean quipped.Cas loved slushees, always had. He especially loved the blue raspberry ones that turned his tongue in deep icy blue. Cas's face broke into a cracked smile as he shook his head yes. Dean chuckled, "little excited, are we?" Cass blushed and it set Dean on fire. No he wasn't going to do this again, he could just be friends with Cas, he wouldn't end up like last time. He had promised it would never happen again. Dean snapped out of  his thoughts. "Seven - Eleven?" He asked. Castiels smile grew larger and he nodded enthusiastically. "Mind if we take my car?" Castiel asked quietly. Dean nodded. Castiel smiles at this. Dean stood up and held his hand out for Castiel. Castiel blushes and grabs onto Deans hands to pull himself up, almost pulling dean over at the same time (who he now realizes is definitely too skinny) Cas wipes his face one more time while Dean grabs his sweater from the stall. Castiel smiles at Dean and pulls his jacket closer as they walk out of the school  
[time skip to 7-11]   
Cas and Dean walk into the 7-11. Dean slings his arm around Cas's shoulders and gestures to he entire store, " Anything you want Cas" he says "Anything at all." Castiel smiles like a little kid as he rushes over to the slushee machine and immediately begins filling his  large cup with blue raspberry and cherry slush. Dean strolls over to the "fresh" fruit cart and grabs an small shiny red apple (78 calories) he fights against the voice in his head yelling the caloric contents of a small apple as he walks to the cashiers desk and waves Cas over to the counter. Cas jogs over with his slushee but stops when he sees the doughnut case. He eyes the case before picking a strudel up and shoving it in a wax paper bag. Dean wants to c̸͟͞r̸͟͞a̸͟͞m̸͟͞ i̸͟͞t̸͟͞ i̸͟͞n̸͟͞ h̸͟͞i̸͟͞s̸͟͞ m̸͟͞o̸͟͞u̸͟͞t̸͟͞h̸͟͞ a̸͟͞n̸͟͞d̸͟͞ e̸͟͞a̸͟͞t̸͟͞ s̸͟͞i̸͟͞x̸͟͞ m̸͟͞o̸͟͞r̸͟͞e̸͟͞  tell Castiel the calorie count in half a strudel(242 calories), let alone a whole one. "Want one, my treat?" "To much fat." Dean stutters our and shrugs, his pastel pink sweater edging down his small shoulders as he looks at the floor. Cas is now officially worried about Dean. When Dean looks up Castiel is frowning "Congrats fat ass, you just lost a friend." The voice of Deans father echos in his head. "No, no I won't lose him!" Dean screams in his skull. He grabs a doughnut from the case and takes a bit out of it, he'd rather purge than lose a friend. " You know you have to pay for those, right?" The now angry cashier calls from his booth. Dean and Castiel nod at him and run walk over to his booth in the front of the store. Dean pulls a wad of cash out of his flowered pocket and sets it on the counter. He swears he can feel the calories sinking into his stomach. He hurriedly grabs his change back and runs to the restroom. He pushes through the door and into the nearest stall  
"Useless"  
"Fat"  
"Ugly"   
Deans fathers voice pounds against his skull as he retches into the toilet. The bile drenching his throat burns like fire. "Dean, are you in there?" He hears Cas's voice break through the voice of his father. "Please Dean, I don't know you that well but you seem pretty fucking great." Dean is shaking, his vomit stained mouth and cherry red lips break into a silent sob. "He doesn't care f*ggot, he's just pretending." Johns voice laughs. Dean pushes out past Cas, he needs to run, get as far away as he can from Castiel.   
A/N oh the angst! The song that inspired this chapters title is linked at the begging of it.   
P.S I'm a huge mcr fanboy


	4. Spilled words

Cas takes a second to realize what just happened, as soon as he does he takes off after Dean. He sees Deans pink and blue skinny figure running a block away. Cas starts running, every inch of energy he has he uses to push himself after Dean. Soon he nears Dean. “Dean, please stop!” He yells after him. He can hear dean crying. Deans small form is curled up on the sidewalk, in fetal position. The tears flowing out of his eyes are stained black from his mascara. Deans flower crown lays forgotten on the sidewalk near his head, there is a bleeding scrape on his head from where his head hit the pavement. Cas sits down on the cold pavement next to Dean and pulls his head into his lap. “Do you want to go get cleaned up at my house?” Dean twists his head to look in Castiel's eyes. Dean nods sadly. Dean sits up and struggles to push his tiny figure off the ground, Castiel stands up and pulls Dean up off the ground and into a hug, it frightens Castiel how skinny Dean is, Cas guesses he must only weigh 97 maybe 95 pounds. Deans tears soak into Castiel's black hoodie, Cas tightens his arms around Dean. “It’s going to be okay.” He says reassuringly to the shorter boy. Castiel pulls back from the still crying Dean and wraps his arm around Dean's shoulders. “My house isn’t far.” He says and pulls his arm tighter around Dean. They walk the rest of the way to Castiel's house in silence. Cas turns his key in the lock on his door. The door opened with a squeak. Castiel led Dean into the brightly colored kitchen. “Castiel! What on earth are you doing home so early?” Castiels sister exclaims as Cas helps Dean into the bathroom so he can clean his face. Dean shuts the door to the bathroom and Castiel walks back to his sister, Kate. “I’m sorry I skipped out of school, but today was shitty, and I think Dean is hurting. I just met him but I need to help him.”  
*******************  
Kate set two piping hot cups of cocoa (194 calories) in front of Dean and Cas. She smiled at Dean kindly. He wasn’t used to people caring, let alone trying to help him. Dean could feel the steam rising off the drink on his cheeks. He remembered when he was a real boy that hot cocoa meant christmas movies, snuggling with his mother and his brother, peppermint spoons and joy. Dean could not find any of these things in this situation. Cas raised the mug to his face and took a huge drink of warm liquid and then stared at Dean. Dean was scared of the drink, there were 194 calories in one cup, he wanted to stay strong but he didn’t want to lose Castiel. Castiel seemed to care and Dean knew he couldn’t bear to lose a caring person again. He picked up the mug with shaking hand and tilted it up to his lips. The liquid burned on his chapped, red lips. He could feel the hot cocoa slipping down his throat and into his stomach. He had forgotten the feeling of warmness in his stomach. He loved didn’t really need it in him. He held onto the mug and watched castiel. It seemed to Dean that maybe Castiel was watching him too. “I know from experience that you probably don’t want to hear this but I deal with depression too. My parents were transphobic, and when I came out as trans my dad beat me so hard he broke my ribs” Castiel laughs grimly. “I almost died and since then I’ve been dealing with depression and other unsavory things. I promise; even though I don’t know you that well that I am here for you Dean. You don’t need to run from me.” As Castiel finished Dean began to cry again. He wasn’t sure what to say but it felt so good to hear Cas say he didn’t have to run. Dean wipes at his tears and lets out a little laugh. “We’re on the same boat with shitty parents Cas.” Dean says as he tries to stop crying. “My dad was a drunk, he beat me to pulp from ages six to fourteen after my mother divorced him. But my mom.” He let out a sigh. “She isn’t that much better, after I got sent to crappy cove, formally known as canopy coves, a treatment center for eating disorders and broke my foot from jumping off the second story she changed from my mother and a nurse to only a eating disorder specialist. She’s a nurse but she's not my mom anymore.” Dean says, while fiddiling with his mug. “I’m sorry I spilled all that, I only just met you.” Dean said. Castiel shot him back a small smile. “It’s okay, our families suck.” “Oi! Who are you saying sucks?” Kate and Coraline yelled in unison from the other room. “Except for you guys!” Castiel yelled back at his twin sisters. “Sorry about them.” Castiel smiled sheepishly at Dean. “It’s okay Cas, I understand the feeling, my younger brother is just like them.” Dean responded, finally smiling a real smile. “Thanks for not calling me fragile Cas, I really can’t stand it when people do. I mean I know I’m the discarded slush of the universe but I’m not fragile.” Castiel’s smile fell a little. “Dean if you are slush of the universe I am the ash.”  
A/N I love that line so much! What do you guys think of it so far? This was originally on wattpad.


	5. Heated Blankets

Dean was curled up into Cas’s side, Cas had asked what he could do to cheer him up and Dean had replied “The Bee Movie.” Dean knows he’ll never be able to get enough of Cas’s smell so he’s inhaling deeply as much as he can. He loves the smell of Cas, the mix between coffee, cologne, and something Dean can’t exactly put his finger on. Cas reaches his arm out and wraps it around Dean, pulling him in closer to Castiels body. Dean opens his mouth to question this action but Castiel interupts him “For warmth.” Cas says with a smile and the pale skin of his cheeks turning a ruby red. Cas holds a peice of popcorn in between his fingers, “Want one?” Castiel asks hopefully. “Sorry.” Dean responds with a guilty smile, he’d already had 489 calories, thats 89 calories over his goal for today, he’d have to run hardcore to get rid of that many calories. “Sorry but I had to try.” Castiels voice snaps him out of his thoughts. “Um i-is there anyw-way you could c-cov-ver me in l-like six m-million blankets?” Dean says, the cold is the worst part of starvation, but at least he’s never hot, excluding right before he blacks out. Cas nods, gets up and walks out of the room. He comes back with a heated blanket, Dean swears he’s never wanted to kiss someone so much as Castiel delicatly wraps him in the green heated blanket- Wait no he does not want to kiss castiels soft delicate looking lips, thats just the low blood pressure talking. “C-Cassie could y-you m-maybe snuggle m-me again?” Dean says. He knows he’s only making it worse for himself when Castiel eventually leaves him but he can’t deny that he loves- no needs the smell of cas and to hear Castiels heart beating right next to his ear. Castiel is now turning a deep red and hiding a grin behind his pale hand. “Sure Dean.” And just like that Cas crawls into the bed under the heated blanket and pulls Dean into his chest. Dean has never felt more cared for, and with that he starts to drift off to sleep. Cas can feel deans heart beating against his ribs and he can feel him slowly inhale and exhale, Dean is freezing to touch so Castiel pulls him closer to his body and changes the movie from the credits of the bee movie to Lilo and Stitch. He is half way through the movie when Dean starts to shake and tightens his grip on Cas’s shirt. Castiel pauses the movie and listens to the boys breathing, Deans breath is speeding up rapidly and Castiel can hear him talking in his sleep. “P-please, D-D-Dad s-stop.” Dean is now crying in his sleep, soaking Castiels shirt for the second time today. Cas begins to rub Deans back and tries to wake him up “Dean, Dean, Hun!” At this point Cas is almost yelling but Dean is still asleep so Castiel grips him tighter to his bound chest and whispers sweet words into Deans ears “We can sleep like this everynight Dean, you don’t ever have to see your dad again. I’m so sorry you had to live like that for long but you don’t anymore. I’m here for you love.” Deans breathing begins to slow back down and his sobs quiet. Dean can hear Cas in his sleep. Castiel presses a kiss to Deans forehead and smoothes his hair back from his perfect face. Cas can’t imagine all that Dean Winchester has gone through to get to this moment but he wants from this day on to be perfect for Dean. Castiel is very worried that Dean may not stick around long enough to see how good the world can be, and Castiel is very right. Dean has been planning of commiting suicide on November 1st, 2017, five days from now. 

A/N Will Castiel figure out Deans plans? Also sorry for this shitty chapter, my ed recovery isn’t going to well today and I’ve spent alot of today freaking out over my eating issues.


End file.
